My name is Jill, and I am in recovery from anorexia. I want to start by saying I don’t place any blame on the people in my life for the downward spiral that happened. Rather, the lack of education in the system to handle and recognize such issues. I want to share my history because the repercussions I am feeling now are something I do not wish on any girl.

I can count on only my two hands how many times I have gotten my period in my life. The start of my period coincided with my running obsession and eventual eating disorder. I struggled in high school, but it wasn’t until I was running at a division I level in college that my health began to unravel completely. To be clear, there was never a point where a coach or trainer said we had to lose weight. That being said you couldn’t help but notice the size of girls you were racing against-we run in barely any clothing- and what times they were running. At some point a shift in my head went from eating healthy to fuel my training to a fixation on increasing my mileage and decreasing my caloric intake as much as possible. My life revolved around counting calories and miles.

I went into a residential treatment after my first year only to relapse to an even worse point my second year. During that time, I had lost about 30 pounds off of my already thin frame. No one told me I had to do this but at the same time there was no concerned expressed. I was fainting frequently, my hair was falling out, my blood pressure and heart rate were near nonexistent, and I hadn’t had my period in years. I remember what would end up being my last track meet of my college career. I ran my best time but afterwards my chest pain was so severe I ended up calling the physician I had been seeing. He was without a doubt the best provider I’ve ever had and while I was beyond angry in the moment, looking back what he did saved my life. He contacted the athletic department, and I was pulled until I could restore my weight. I was told I likely wouldn’t see the age of 21 if I kept on in the direction I was going. I never ended up returning to competitive running, but I did pull myself out of the grave I had been digging.

Anorexia is something I continue to struggle with but eating disorder aside what I wanted to really touch upon was not having a period for so long. I remember initially being told it was normal to be a runner and not have a regular period. Eventually I was told my chronic loss of it was not healthy and bad for my body. It wasn’t enough to scare me out of my restrictive, obsessive behavior. It is only now that I am about to be 26 that I am beginning to realize the harm I have done to my body. I started reading up on how important your period and the hormones involved are for it’s over all well-being. It scares me. I still experience amenorrhea due to the eating disorder and I know that it will likely affect my life. My bones are weak, osteoporosis is a possibility in my future, and I might not have the option to have kids later on. None of this was a concern for me while entrenched in my eating disorder world.

I do see more of a conversation being had about the important of the menstrual cycle and female health, which is hopeful. It is still far from where it needs to be though. The more women who open up about their struggles, the more we can shift from normalizing no period to making sure education is provided on how to care for the female athlete. I hope that more trainers and coaches are provided the tools to give their female athletes the proper nutritional and hormonal education they need to keep their body functioning.

To any girl out there struggling with body image please get help as soon as possible. The longer you continue in the vicious cycle the harder it is to pull yourself out completely. The effects of not having a period may seem so far off for you that you do not worry, but, from personal experience I can say it will catch up to you and dealing with the repercussions is something I do not wish on anyone.